If you have made it here and haven't seen this movie, just stop what you're doing right now and watch. I wish I could see it again for the first time. It's so absolutely over the top and ridiculous in every possibly way it's almost perfect. If I were a horror movie it would most likely be this one. Just ridiculous. So this will mark the 8th installment of the Nightmare on Elm Street Series and the 11th of Friday the 13th. When is enough, enough? Never. More please. I'll watch this nonsense all day long. We start the story with a little refresher of who Freddy Krueger is in first place (which makes you an idiot if you didn't already know). The intro to this movie is absolutely perfect. It's a collage of all NOES movies combined with Robert Englund doing a voice over explaining how he has been locked in dream world all by himself because the people of Springwood have all completely forgotten who he is. So it's Freddy's plan to use Jason to go on a killing spree to make everyone there afraid of him again. You know, the fear brings Freddy back to life. He just needs a little spark to get the fire going. Let's start back at 1428 Elm Street. So after a good couple slaughters, the cops are worried that Freddy is back. Lori, our female lead, is being questioned by the police because she witnessed one of the murders. The problem is that the cops slipped up and mentioned Freddy's name to her after. They had gone four years with no one mentioning, dreaming, or even thinking about Freddy Kroueger and they eliminated him that way. To make long matters short: they locked up everyone in some mental facility who had witnessed or heard of Freddy Krueger before and feed them dream suppressants. One of these people was Lori's truly madly deeply do, Will. He hears about the murders on the news and escapes the hospital to make sure she's okay. Knight in shining armor shit. He brings his buddy too, Mark, whose brother killed himself/got killed by Freddy. I just have to point out two very important cameos in this movie. We have Katherine Isabelle and Brendan Fletcher from the classic Canadian warewolf horror saga, Ginger Snaps. I used to bar tend in Vancouver and Brendan Fletcher sat at my bar one night and I couldn't even look at him because I knew I was going to nerd out. He arguably has the best scene in this movie as well, when he falls asleep at his desk. It is a complete 80's classic flashback NEOS style slash. They leave his dead body with "Freddy's back" burnt into his skin and 4 slashes across his face. Sorry 3 cameos. Fucking Kelly Rowland and her thick red streaks are here if that ain't the most 2003 thing that could happen in this movie. She doesn't do terrible, but I would say Kelly can stick to singing. No offence. What's really important about this movie isn't necessarily the plot. There is just so much happening. There is a scene at a party where two guys are drinking fucking Everclear and smoking weed. Have you ever drank Everclear? I threw up for 3 days straight the first time I drank Everclear. So it makes sense that this fucking genius gets scared when Jason shows up to throw the Everclear on him and toss the joint and light him on fire. This doesn't stop a flaming machete from obliterating the idiot in the middle of a cornfield; ignited in a perfectly straight line of Jason's path. Muah! Beautiful. There are plenty of slash scenes. PLENTY. And SOOOOOOOO much blood. People covered in blood, heads chopped, bodies slashed and blood 'splurting' in every direction. Like SO MUCH BLOOD. I honestly wonder how many liters of fake blood were used in this movie. How much blood do you want? Yes.
Well now Freddy is mad cause Jason is killing too much. Even just typing that sentence hurt me. The cringe. It is the NU METAL of story lines. And for anyone who knows me, knows terrible nu metal is my guiltiest of all pleasures. Freddy is still stuck in dream world and all these kids refuse to go to sleep so there is no one for him to kill. Jason is getting all the kills. No fair. What I do really enjoy about this movie is how seamlessly they continue to transition from the real world to a dream. You don't even know someone is asleep until crazy weird shit starts happening and Freddy is trying to stick his tongue down your throat. Freddy has got to die by fire and Jason has to die by water. But they have to be in the same world or else how will Freddy verse Jason? Where is our story? When will they meet? They gotta come up with a plan to make Jason fall asleep and to pull Freddy into real world with them so they can battle to the death. (See what I'm saying. The NU METAL of plot lines.) See this movie is very iconic to me. It's never boring. There is always some crazy shit happening nonstop. You have to see it a couple times honestly to really understand how all the facts line up together, but I think it's an amazing and terrible combination of two iconic worlds colliding. There are SO MANY quality slow motion scenes with absolutely ridiculous stunts, punches, stabs and attacks. There is a scene where Jason hits Freddy all over the boiler room and they use ACTUAL PINBALL MACHINE NOISES WHILE HE HITS EACH BAR "DING DING DING DING". It's overwhelming. It's almost just too much. But I love it. I love how bad it is. Jason impales Freddy in one scene with his fist. Just empty fist. Real hard punch, but it's in slow motion. So many "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"s in slow motion like I can't stop laughing it's priceless. You have to watch it. You have to watch it with a friend, it's top tier comedy and it's beautiful and bloody and wonderful. The movie ends of course and sadly this is Robert Englund's last cinematic appearance as Freddy. Heartbreaking. My favourite villain ever. I won't ever get into the disgrace that was the 2010 Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Neither should you. Also, just a question - does anyone actually think Jason Voorhees is cooler than Freddy? Just checking. But it's important to note that when the movie ends and the credits roll, this is the most obvious point where we can acknowledge the truly masterful garbage nonsense that is the soundtrack. See, I always knew it was Nu Metal as fuck, but what I didn't know was how deep it went. You sort of hear songs playing during killing scenes and stuff but the action usually takes precedence over whatever dumb song is playing. BUT - This soundtrack featured the likes of Killswitch Engage, Slipknot, Mushroomhead, Stone Sour, Lamb of God, Hatebreed, Seether, and even fucking Type O Negative. There are more too. They are just as bad. There is nothing more 2003 than this goddamn soundtrack. And it reached the Billboard Top 200. Like I cannot. I have no words. Witness this bloody dumpster fire of a masterpiece for yourself, it's an unforgettable classic that I will never forget as long as I live.
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